Separation ends a relationship, but it does not end parenting. Every year, tens of thousands of Australian children see their parents part — and decades of research point to a hopeful truth: it is not the separation itself that shapes how children fare, but how much conflict they are exposed to during and after separation. This guide explains what the evidence says and how psychology can help you build calmer, more cooperative co-parenting.

How Many Australian Families Does Separation Affect?

A great many. In 2024, the Australian Bureau of Statistics recorded 47,216 divorces granted, a crude rate of 2.1 per 1,000 people (ABS, Marriages and Divorces, Australia, 2024). Around 47% of divorces involve children under 18, a share that has held steady since 2014 (AIFS, Divorces in Australia).

Those figures understate the full picture, because they count only married couples. Separations of de facto partners are not in the divorce statistics, so the number of children experiencing a parental separation each year is higher still — the Australian Institute of Family Studies estimates roughly 50,000 children see their parents divorce annually (AIFS).

By age 16, roughly one in six Australian children has experienced parental divorce. Source: AIFS.

So if your family is going through this, it is far from unusual. About one in six children will experience parental divorce by the time they reach 16 — and that is before counting de facto separations. The question that matters most is not whether separation happens, but how to manage it when the unfortunate scenario happens.

What Actually Harms Children — Separation or Conflict?

The conflict, far more than the separation. Reviews by the Australian Institute of Family Studies conclude that exposure to ongoing, high inter-parental conflict is what most undermines children’s wellbeing, with children’s sense of emotional security acting as the key pathway (AIFS, Separation, inter-parental conflict, and family and domestic violence).

Three independent lines of research converge here. A landmark 2001 meta-analysis of 67 studies found that children’s outcomes after divorce are, on average, only modestly affected — and that inter-parental conflict is a central explanatory factor (Amato, Journal of Family Psychology, 2001). Separation alone is not destiny.

More recently, a 2020 meta-analysis showed that conflict harms children partly by degrading the quality of parenting itself — a pathway that can be repaired (van Dijk et al., Clinical Psychology Review, 2020). That is the encouraging part: the thing that hurts children most is also the thing you can change.

What Is Co-Parenting, and What Does “Good” Look Like?

Co-parenting is the working partnership two separated parents build to raise their children together across two homes. A 2010 meta-analysis of 59 studies found that positive co-parenting — high cooperation and agreement, low conflict, and no drawing children into disputes — predicts fewer behavioural and emotional problems in children, even after accounting for the parents’ own relationship (Teubert & Pinquart, Parenting: Science and Practice, 2010).

Good co-parenting is a forward-facing partnership: two homes, consistent care, and children kept out of the middle.

Good co-parenting is not about being friends, and it is not about agreeing on everything. It is about shielding children from adult conflict. Here is what the evidence associates with healthier outcomes versus poorer ones:

Sources: AIFS; Teubert & Pinquart, 2010; van Dijk et al., 2020.

How to talk to children about separation 

How Psychologists Can Help After Separation

Psychology helps by lowering conflict and strengthening parenting during the transition. The Australian Institute of Family Studies reports that parenting programs delivered around separation can protect children’s mental health, and that supporting parents through the change is central to better child outcomes (AIFS, Parenting programs that support children’s mental health through family separation).

One of the strongest examples is child-inclusive mediation. A prospective Australian study across three cities found that, four years on, families who used a child-inclusive approach had more stable parenting plans, less acrimony, greater parent emotional availability, and children who were more content with their arrangements (McIntosh et al., 2008).

Support after separation is mainstream, not a last resort. Only about 3% of separated parents use courts as their main pathway to arrangements; family court can cost up to hundreds of thousands — most sort things out with far less adversarial help (AIFS, Parenting arrangements after separation). Common psychology-led supports include:

• Family dispute resolution and mediation — structured, neutral help to agree on parenting arrangements without court.
• Child-focused and child-inclusive practice — keeping the children’s needs, and sometimes their voice, at the centre.
• Individual therapy for each parent — processing grief, anger, and stress so it does not spill onto the children.
• Parenting-after-separation programs — practical skills for communication, handovers, and consistent routines.

Practical Steps for Lower-Conflict Co-Parenting

You can reduce conflict starting today, even if your ex-partner is not on board yet. The research is clear that shielding children from adult disputes is protective (AIFS), and small, consistent habits make a measurable difference over time.

Calm one-on-one time in each home matters more to children than a perfect co-parenting relationship.

1. Keep children out of the middle. Never ask them to carry messages, choose sides, or report on the other parent.
2. Communicate like colleagues. Keep exchanges brief, factual, and child-focused; a shared app or email can lower the temperature. Have an agreed child-rearing framework. 
3. Aim for consistency across homes. Similar routines for bedtime, homework, and screens help children feel secure and disciplined.
4. Protect one-on-one time. Warm, present parenting in each home matters more than a flawless co-parenting bond.
5. Get support early. Mediation or therapy is easier before positions harden — and models calm problem-solving for your kids.

Frequently Asked Questions

Is separation always damaging for children?

No. A landmark 2001 meta-analysis of 67 studies found that, on average, the effects of divorce on children are modest, and that ongoing inter-parental conflict is a key driver of poorer outcomes (Amato, 2001). Many children adjust well, especially when conflict is low and both parents stay involved.

What matters most for children after their parents separate?

Reducing conflict. Australian Institute of Family Studies reviews identify exposure to ongoing high conflict — not the separation itself — as the biggest threat to children’s wellbeing (AIFS). Cooperative co-parenting and warm, consistent care in both homes are strongly associated with better adjustment.

Do we have to go to court to sort out parenting arrangements?

Usually not. Only about 3% of separated parents use courts as their main pathway; most reach arrangements through discussion or family dispute resolution (AIFS). Mediation is generally faster, cheaper, and less adversarial — and better for children than a contested court battle.

How can therapy help if my ex-partner won’t attend?

Individual therapy still helps a great deal. Processing your own grief, anger, and stress reduces the chance it spills into conflict the children witness — and conflict is what harms them most (van Dijk et al., 2020). Your calmer regulation alone changes the environment children live in.

What is child-inclusive mediation?

It is mediation that thoughtfully brings children’s needs and views into decisions. An Australian study found that, four years later, families using this approach had more stable plans, less conflict, and children more content with their arrangements (McIntosh et al., 2008). A trained practitioner manages the process carefully.

The Bottom Line

Separation is hard, but your children’s wellbeing rests largely on something within your influence: how much conflict they are exposed to from here.

• About 47% of Australian divorces involve children, and roughly one in six children experiences parental divorce by 16 — you are not alone.
• Ongoing conflict, not separation itself, is what most harms children — and it is something you can reduce.
• Cooperative co-parenting protects children, and psychology-led supports like mediation and parenting programs help you build it.

If things feel stuck or heated, reaching out early is a gift to your kids. Explore our family and individual therapy

About this article

Author: Limbic Flow Clinical Team.

Medically reviewed by: Sophia Tsai, CEO Limbic Flow. BS, MIPH, MA. Last updated: 15 July 2026.

This article is general information only and is not personal, clinical, or legal advice. Every family’s situation differs; please seek tailored support from a registered psychologist, family dispute resolution practitioner, or legal professional. In an emergency, call 000; for family violence support, call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732; for crisis support, call Lifeline on 13 11 14.

Sources

1. Australian Bureau of Statistics — Marriages and Divorces, Australia, 2024 (released 23 July 2025). Retrieved 2026-07-15. https://www.abs.gov.au/statistics/people/people-and-communities/marriages-and-divorces-australia/latest-release
2. Australian Institute of Family Studies — Divorces in Australia (Facts and Figures). Retrieved 2026-07-15. https://aifs.gov.au/research/facts-and-figures/divorces-australia
3. Australian Institute of Family Studies — Separation, inter-parental conflict, and family and domestic violence (commissioned report). Retrieved 2026-07-15. https://aifs.gov.au/all-research/commissioned-reports/separation-inter-parental-conflict-and-family-and-domestic
4. Australian Institute of Family Studies — Parenting programs that support children’s mental health through family separation. Retrieved 2026-07-15. https://aifs.gov.au/resources/policy-and-practice-papers/parenting-programs-support-childrens-mental-health-through
5. Australian Institute of Family Studies — Parenting arrangements after separation (research snapshot). Retrieved 2026-07-15. https://aifs.gov.au/all-research/research-snapshots/parenting-arrangements-after-separation
6. Amato PR — Children of divorce in the 1990s: An update of the Amato and Keith (1991) meta-analysis. Journal of Family Psychology, 2001. Retrieved 2026-07-15. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11584788/
7. Teubert D, Pinquart M — The Association Between Coparenting and Child Adjustment: A Meta-Analysis. Parenting: Science and Practice, 2010. Retrieved 2026-07-15. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/15295192.2010.492040
8. van Dijk R, et al. — A meta-analysis on interparental conflict, parenting, and child adjustment in divorced families. Clinical Psychology Review, 2020. Retrieved 2026-07-15. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0272735820300490
9. McIntosh J, Wells Y, Smyth B, Long C — Child-focused and child-inclusive divorce mediation: comparative outcomes from a prospective study. 2008. Retrieved 2026-07-15. https://childrenbeyonddispute.com/child-inclusive-mediation/international-scoping-report/